I seem to have left my pride at pride
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
