I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My life is pants optional.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
