Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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