Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
