You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
