I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
