i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
