im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
