Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
