It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
