We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
