sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
