Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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