i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
