Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
