and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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