dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
