At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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