cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
