make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
