I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
