Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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