Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
