I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
