when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
