After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My feet surprised me
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