Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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