What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
