I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
