Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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