I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
