so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
