I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
