I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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