first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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