I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
