also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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