Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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