just tell him i said nine months
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
