I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
