I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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