you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
