There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
