I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
