We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
