I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
