just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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