I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize