I wish I could teleport
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
