Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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