I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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