I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
