all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
