I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
