Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
