So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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