So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
