I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
