I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
