she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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