she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
