Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
