It's Friday. Sex?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
