I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
