she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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