If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
