I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
