so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
