this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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