i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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