i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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