he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes