Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.