weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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