she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.